It was June, just about four years ago now, when I sat in that midwestern church, immersed in the fog that accompanies grief. Half listening, I tried to focus, as my beloved grandmother was eulogized there to somber faces and drab mauve decor. My thoughts ping-ponging between sweet memories and the present day’s events- the taxing of this life. And then something happened. My ears suddenly became acutely aware of the pastor’s words as he retold some of the things he had learned about my grandmother’s life in preparation for her memorial. Not having known her well, or really at all, the pastor had to seek out, ask, dig for her story. As he spoke, I began to hear God speak deep within me- gently answering decades-old questions I had never even given words to. Voice-less questions I had allowed to shape who I was. They were answers I did not realize I needed, but in those moments an unlocking took place, and I was given eyes to see just a bit more than the moment prior. A revelation of my true identity, who I was uniquely created to be, and how despite the years of feeling mis-placed, I in fact did belong. Thinking back now, it makes sense for God to have spoken reaffirming identity into me on that particular day as I honored the life of a woman who throughout my childhood had always let me know I fit. I can’t help but think she clapped her hands and laughed her fabulous laugh from Heaven as “Grandma’s princess” owned the title a little more that summer morning. And while just moments, silent to anyone but me, this was a launching point of sorts. A beginning, only recognized as such after the years that followed, and in the tracing back of Wonder. Just as a pastor speaking on a life he did not truly know, I had believed in a God of Wonders my whole life, but never really knew Him. The journey from that early-summer day became my seeking, my asking, my digging to discover and know my God.
In the days to come, I will share more of my story as I trace back the path of Wonder, in hopes it encourages you at whatever point your own journey may be. Uncovering the every-day wonder and living an Awe-full life are burdens of Joy within me. Burdens I am compelled to share, knocking knees, quivering pen and all. Writer and speaker, Rebekah Lyons says, “calling is where your talents and burdens collide.” This blog, these thoughts, these images on screen; God willing, is my collision.
“May we never lose our Wonder.
May we never lose our Wonder.
Wide-eyed and mystified, may we be just like a child,
Staring at the beauty of the King.”
(Do yourself a huge favor and listen to this song. Let it unlock a hunger for Wonder in you.)